I just watched a YouTube video of a woman with two children around 4-6 years old get fatally shot by a police officer, in a small city in Nevada.
The officer acted as he’s been trained which is why this became a fatal shooting. The woman was clearly not operating with the current scene but as if there were dangers lurking behind any person. Many would call her crazy.
There were two officers on the scene and she had a knife in her hand yelling to the police to not touch her children. A 911 caller had reported that she was afraid that something was going to happen to her children.
The complete failure and reason this turned deadly was due to the training of officers to basically treat anything dangerous as if it was a military assault. Which is very effective if the people you deal who are mentally there.
If you want to calm down a situation the last thing you do with an irate person is to oppose their view. The best thing to do is to play along with them and try to understand what demon/situation they feel they are dealing with. You can only calm them down when they feel understood. Opposing them, yelling and acting threatening is not very workable. This is true to anyone upset.
The first thing you want to do is to get in communication, this means thoughts are being exchanged with understanding, without force, threats or demands. Simply act is if you care about them and try to understand their problem/situation.
Once the person feels someone else is on their side they can then start calming down. Be a ‘safe person’, don’t seem to threaten them but be their ally. It is surprisingly simple and easy to do if you have any compassion for others.
Imagine one of your family members being the other person and treat them with the same love and respect, you will be surprised how easy it beome to defuse situations.
I’ve never failed to handle any person with the above, and I’ve talked down gang members, a cop killer, run of the mill nut cases who were really unhappy and ‘charged’ up. One threatened me with a knife in close quarters outside my apartment door demanding access. I relaxed, leaned to one side of the door frame on one leg and said ‘One one condition, that you owe me an apology when you see that that person is not here.’ as perfectly calm and friendly completely ignoring the threat (knife yielded by a much bigger person than me).
He turned out to be a cop killer on the run. He was taken back by my smile and total lack of displaying any indication of being in danger. In fact he did not dare passing next to me, I had to step away from the door before he stepped in, only to realize this was not the place. He tried to pay me off but I insisted on the apology, which he could not easily fathom. He had screwed up and he knew his word had never meant anything, so the idea that he would just say sorry was utterly unreal to him. It took a couple of minutes before he finally did, but he did say sorry and melted like butter when I said OK, thanks! At that point he told me his life history as if in a confession.
But you see what I did, I handled the situation with complete calm and care. His problem was my problem, and we solved it together. Threatening and putting him in a defensive mode would not have worked out well. Sure I could have just shot him but on principle I only use force if needed and that was not it. (Though many would say if any situation was that this was it. And that would just demonstrate their inability to handle it gently. You can take it to the bank that this guy never forgot me, and being treated well in spite of.)
Another time a woman whom our office security could not handle was in our reception interrupting things. I told security to leave us and got in communication with her. She was on about aliens and spirits and what not in some garbled version. I simply demonstrated an interest in her and her situation, and acknowledged everything she said. I suggested we get away from these other people (the staff in the office) so we can talk uninterruptedly, which she liked, and walked her outside. Spent a few minutes with her and she ended up walking away looking happy.
The whole ‘trick’ is to honestly care about others and wanting to understand them and help solving their problem. Caring is a secret weapon that can solve so many situations. Yelling to people is a method of force. It is not being in very good communication but more out of communication. So if you want to get others to do or not do something it makes a big difference if you are duplicating each other and have a good understanding.
In another situation a woman was really upset and yelling on the phone about the alleged problem some employee of ours had caused. I got the call transferred to me and I asked her what happened? Hearing her loud upset and accusations I simply acknowledged her really good. I said
‘WOW! That’s HORRIBLE!!’ she immediately stopped, was quiet for a few seconds and said Thank You!
So that’s another ingredient, proper acknowledgment. That is the sign that you have understood what they said. If someone says ‘And then the truck rolled over the baby!’ You would not calmly say OK.
You see a drunk and disorderly, how do you handle it?
Be a friend, care and try to understand them, then give a proper acknowledgment. A little over acknowledgment might be needed if their attention to the the environment is lowered, drunk or upset for example. But always in a friendly tone.
If you don’t want to shoot and kill some mother in front of her young children that’s how you do it. Police Academy are you listening? Your officers are dealing with any number of threatening situations each day. Meanwhile society is anything but pleased with the amount of police shootings. Demand that your officers are able to communicate with strangers in a friendly voice, and not oppose everyone as the immediate go to solution. It does not instill respect as it simply shows an incompetence in dealing with people. Your officers should not only drill all the other things they do but drill handling people in various stages of upset and ‘out of it’.
Manners is one of those thing kids used to learn at an early age. And if the adults set a good example themselves then the kids usually saw that it works.
The officer that drew his service weapon on a young girl needs to train in how to handle kids and probably people in general.
A police office is not a soldier. He may feel it when citizens shoot at him, but something has gone wrong long before those bullets come his way.
Groups get along and win when manners are applied from the beginning. When you treat people with respect above all, people feel safe and are less prone to pull a weapon on you. When equality rules the day and compassion is in use, society becomes a good place to be in and you will want to be part of it.
The Declaration of Human Rights is what should govern the day. All talk about how some people are less, or not people, is only made by people who are basically insecure. If a four year old tries to make fun of you I suspect you would not feel threatened. I simply agree and laugh along. In fact if anyone is making fun of you the best response is to simply agree and laugh along. You will not remain a target of ridicule for long.
It has long been proven scientifically that all the human races are human and are no more nor any less than anyone else. Individuals are different and a small number have a problem in dealing with things.
They may be and often are different in some way. That should make life more interesting, getting to know and understand someone from some other background than your own.
If you are in a group which is not treating you with sincere respect then you might not be in the right group. Same goes for work, if you cannot win there then maybe you should not be there? Why slave somewhere where you cannot be happy and winning?
Force yourself to smile in front of a mirror and see if you can keep that frown. Wish upon others that which you want for yourself.
🙂
